Warning. I'm not worrying about who is going to be offended by this post. I've got a lot of feelings going on, and I have tried to be considerate of other people's feelings. Which has been pointless since the same people have no consideration for mine. So. If you are feeling extra sensitive, it would probably just be best to not continue reading.
There has been a lot of things going on in our home in the last little while. Some things that I just can't post about because family stuff is private. Plus, I don't think I need to share those intimate details with the whole wide web. Or at least the 30 people who follow my little corner of the web. Suffice to say (is that the way that saying goes?) we have a lot of family things happening. Which already puts Cuinn and I at stress level midnight.
As they say though; when it rains, it pours.
Cuinn and I went to the Early Years Center here in town. I was so excited to have Cuinn with Aislynn and I today. This was the first time he was able to come, and I was so excited.
We had a mostly good time. Cuinn was able to see how Aislynn goes about her playing in the big backyard. How she gives her friend B hugs. How I have a few really great moms to chat with (Jenn, Jenny, Michelle, Jenn. Just to name the ones who were there). These women who I am able to complain to, because I know they will encourage me, as I encourage them. There are other moms who have been so amazing here, and they deserve recognition too, but right now is not the time.
The part he didn't like?
The judgey moms and the cliques he saw.
Now, I'm a stay at home mom. I already know that moms are bitches.
Whoops, sorry did that offend you?
But what hurts me, is that my husband, who was there one time, and was surrounded by my supportive friends, noticed other moms. Who kept giving him looks, and staring at Aislynn and watching her play, making Cuinn feel like he was on show.
After that, we got to talking about what my day to day is like and I think he was pretty upset at some of the stories that I told.
See, I try really hard to keep that part out of my daily stories I tell him. He doesn't need to know that there are moms out there, in my tiny town, who make me feel tiny. And hurt. Because when I do tell him? He wants to run to my rescue and fix it. Which is why I love him, but I need to "fight my own battles" as they say.
That's my point though. I'm not going to fight with these moms. They don't like me? Well, too bad. It hurts a lot, because I am one of those people who will go home and cry about it while my kid naps. But on the other side of that, I live in a tiny, little town. And I am going to have to put up with the stupid, childish, mommy drama for the rest of my time here. Our kids will grow up together, they will go to school together, be in brownies together, in music lessons together, go on field trips together, possibly be friends, or be in the same group of friends together.
So how am I dealing with it?
I've distanced myself.
Because I know, with all of my heart, that once I start telling these people that they have hurt me, or made me want to protect my child, that it will be a slow fall to us being on the outside.
So I stick to my friends who have been here. Who call me. Who ask me how I am. Who love my child. Who make me feel like a valued person.
After thinking about this, and talking about it with Cuinn, it really made me start questioning things though.
Wondering why it's like this? Why can't all the moms just get along? Why do people have to be in separate groups?
Honestly? I have absolutely no answers.
All I can say right now, is that growing up means nothing sometimes. There are always going to be people who hurt you and you can't avoid it. Ever. But what you can do, is grow a thicker skin. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
Not everyone is going to like you, but there will always be people who do. Keep your eyes on that.