Warning. This post was really meant to be about something else, but then I just started typing, and I went with it. It's not my usual hilarity, it's a bit more introspective. I think...
Sometimes my life feels really boring.
Aislynn wakes up, Cuinn and I cuddle with her and try to put her back to sleep so we can have another ten minutes.
Doesn't work.
We go out to the living room and I make some breaky while Aislynn runs around the house. She is so a morning person. Cuinn and I so are not.
Cuinn is off to work.
Aislynn and I go about our various routines. Sometimes it's mommy group. Sometimes it's a park day. Sometimes it's a play date. Sometimes it's errands. Sometimes it's pj's and a movie.
Aislynn goes for a nap, I tidy the living room/disaster zone.
Aislynn wakes up and destroys all the tidying I did.
Cuinn comes home and I start dinner.
We eat, then we either head to the park, or play together on the floor.
Then Aislynn goes to bed. And Cuinn and I have some time together.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a rut. A mummy rut, if you will. I feel like I've given so much of myself up. Which I am totally happy to do. I might not have known exactly what I was getting into by making the choice of being a stay at home mum, but I am absolutely happy with the decision.
But there's still that niggling feeling of, when the heck did Sarah the person completely check out while Sarah the wife and mum completely take over?
This last weekend I went on a retreat with the ladies from my church.
I found Sarah the person again.
I had a whole weekend of reflection, and prayer, and fellowship with other ladies and quiet. It was such an honor to be a part of this weekend. We were all sharing things that were so intimate, and I really felt like I was a part of this huge family of sister's uplifting one another.
I realized that I have been carrying around a few deep hurts, I realized that I haven't been walking the path that God has been so clearly laying out for me (Actually, it's more of Him knocking me over the head with a mallet and I've just been ignoring it), I realized that I've been hiding behind this role of just being a wife and a mother and completely ignoring the other important part of me.
So, there will be a few changes in my life. And I've come to you all, my dear precious readers and friends, asking for prayers.
Prayers for the huge step that I will be taking in the next few months of going back to one of my passions.
I'm not quite ready to share the plans yet, because I'm so scared. I told two of my closest friends. My two girl friends who will keep my accountable because they always do. I hope you two know that it was completely intentional that I told you two. It was no mistake.
I'm so blessed in so many ways, and now it's time to take some time for me. Which scares the poop outta me!
The good news for all of you is that I'll be posting a lot more! I love to blog, and I have found a love for writing. I don't think I'll be winning any awards for my rambles, and I'm sure it's full of errors and a particular English major who I've known for years is probably cringing at most of it. But I am really enjoying it. So, part of the change is that I am getting back to blogging! So I'll be here. A lot. I hope you all stick around too.
Thanks for reading.
OH, and here's a pic of Aislynn. It's not a blog post without a pic of my darling girl.
Oh, those eyes.
6 comments:
I totally get what you mean when you say "losing the person". I often feel the same.
Another great reflection Sarah! I love reading your posts they are so refreshing and honest and so you! I'm so glad you were able to have those few days by yourself to refocus. I think as mommies we often forget ourselves in the day to day grind but we are people too and its awesome to have days like that where we can refocus and find out who we are again! Blessings to you as you embark on your awesome journey! Hugs!
Thanks ladies, for reading. I think it's important to share the real deal from time to time. I know it makes me feel a little better when I know that other people feel the same way I do. Lots of love to you both!
Sometimes, I don't feel like I know who I am anymore and then, once in a while, I get a little glimpse of the me who once was. I think motherhood, especially in the first couple of years, really challenges you to decide what matters. For me, it's been the dilemma between career and motherhood. For me, the kids come first but I walk with a number of people who aren't like that and it really led me to doubt myself. Most of the time, I am good with where I am now but, to be honest, it's taken me nearly five years.
You will definitely be in my prayers and I can't wait to see what God has in store for you!
I understand that rut feeling. Teaching a new little human being everything you need to know to grow up and be a big person is a lot of work, important work, but it is long days of boredom when *you* already know how to share, not throw toys, speak English, use the bathroom, eat with a fork, etc. I hate to admit that I get bored with it - but I do. I love and am humbled that I get to witness my boy learning all this! But the day in and day out of it just isn't that thrilling all the time ;)
Can't wait to see what the secret you is up to. I really enjoy your posts.
Thank you so much ladies!! You all are such a fantastic group of friends! Much love to you all.
Post a Comment