A Whole Year Old...

My Lorelei. 

You are 1 year old. Where did this time go? Every single mom say this but... It feels like just yesterday your daddy and I were in the hospital, waiting to meet you.

Do you know that you're loved? I hope so.

1 year ago I went into the hospital, a little over a week after you were due to make an appearance, for a little non stress test. I had an ultrasound and I remember, so distinctly, the ultrasound technnician saying, "Oh dear, you have an 11 pound baby in there. At least..." I was all by myself because daddy and I thought that this little test wouldn't say much, since we already had my induction date set for a few days later. But I was sent to the labor and delivery wing to await my midwife and to see what was going on.

Marcia came in and I just started bawling. How was I going to have an 11 pound baby? What if you were even more?!? I was so scared, and Marcia could see that. So she admitted me and I was overwhelmed with the fact that I would be seeing you soon.

I called daddy and told him I was headed home to pack a bag, eat some dinner and going right back to the hospital so we could get things going. I remember thinking maybe daddy had hung up. There was silence on the other end. 

"Hello...? Cuinn? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Alright. Let's have a baby."

We organized someone to watch Aislynn, a whole 'nuther story, and I was back at the hospital. 

After a whole night of nothing. And then a whole day of not enough progress we were told that a successful VBAC was just not in the cards for me.

"Sarah, your body is one size but your baby is a much different size. I don't think it will work. But we will keep trying if you want to."

All I wanted was to see you. Healthy. In my arms and healthy. So off to the OR we went. For my second c - section.

I was being pushed in my bed, completely paralized from the waist down from my epidural (such an anxiety filled feeling.), while your daddy was "suiting up" in his scrubs. The dr's and nurses all gathered round to life me from the stretcher to the table. I kept saying, "I'm sorry I'm not helping. I can't feel my legs." I felt so guilty that they had to life 10 month pregnant me onto the table. 

I was hooked up to all sorts of machines and a big ol' tablecloth was drapped on my chest and hung up so I couldn't see the good stuff, thank God, and then your daddy walked in. 

He came right beside me, kissed my forehead and said,

"You ok, babe?"

"I'm fine. Scared though..."

"You've got this. I'm here. We're going to meet our baby!"

A little bit of pushing, a whole lot of pressure and then...

"WAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

I instantly felt weightless. You were born! You had entered the world! You were finally here!! 

"It's a girl! Congratulations mom!"

Then you were whisked away, daddy kissed my forehead and said,

"I'll go with her. You'll be ok?"

"Yes. I'm fine. Go."

After about 12 million hours, they were finally finished putting my insides back in my insides and stitching me up and I could see you. I could hold you. I could feed you.

Oh Lorelei. You were a perfect little newborn. You fit perfectly in my arms. I nursed you right away and then you nuzzled right into my neck and you set up shop. Which you haven't left all year long.

Lorelei, I loved you from the minute you were created. My arms were made to hold my babies. My heart was made to be filled with love for my children. You are my little daughter. My dainty girl. My cuddler. My sensitive soul. My sneaky baby. The apple of my eye.

You are so inquisitive and so determined. If you want something, there is nothing that is going to stand in your way.

You are my girl. You fit so perfectly in my arms and you are happy to be there.

You watch your bigger sister with such admiration and joy. She was the first one to get a real belly laugh from you.

You have daddy wrapped around your finger. He can't say no when you raise your arms to him and ask for up.

You came into our lives when we thought we were unprepared but you have made our family more. You bring joy and peace. You have calmed your sister. You are an amazing little girl and I love you.

Happy Birthday, my darling Lorelei. 

An "I don't want to brag but..." post...

I don't want to brag but my 2 girls are scream fighting over an empty box of KD instead of fighting over a real toy.

I don't want to brag but I haven't showered in 2 days and I may not get to shower until tomorrow. I have some really pretty perfume though.

I don't want to brag but the girls and I are going to a birthday party today. At the scariest place I know in our tiny town. An indoor climbing park thing.

I don't wanna brag but I got to sleep in until 7:05 am today.

I don't want to brag but I had french fries from the greatest french fry place in our tiny town last night. Then proceeded to sit on the toilet for 2 hours. I really need to stop eating there...

I don't want to brag but I only wore a spring coat yesterday. Then it snowed this morning...

I don't want to brag but Aislynn and Lorelei fixed the problem by Aislynn playing with an empty Cheerio's box while Lorelei got to keep the empty KD box. I should take the recycling out.

I don't want to brag but Cuinn and I had to upgrade our phones this month and now I am being forced to learn a WHOLE NUTHER PHONE. It's cool, I'll get used to it by Christmas.

I don't want to brag but Cuinn took J and her son C and the girls and I on a private tour of the station yesterday. Which made me feel like a rock stars wife who got to take her friends back stage to meet the band.

I don't wanna brag but I just chugged a whole glass of peach juice. And then choked on it.

I don't want to brag but Lorelei is currently biting my knee. It feels weird.

I don't want to brag but I bought some jewelery off the mom swap on Facebook for the girls. It was advertised as "dress up stuff for little girls." I may be rocking some of it today as I feel it's too nice to just waste on dress up time...

I don't wanna brag but my life is pretty amazing.

A Due Date, Finally...

I have a story.

About frustrations.

And learning how to deal with disappointment over the plan not going your way...

Our story begins in January. A cold morning, when I woke up and looked at Cuinn snoring beside me, could hear Aislynn snoring in her bed, and thought of how Lorelei would be stirring any minute. I had a few rare moments to lay in bed, in the quiet, before the chaos of morning with 2 young children began.

When it hit me.

I'm pregnant. 

I can't explain it. But I just knew. Just like I "just knew" when I was finally pregnant with Aislynn. And how I "just knew" when I was surprised by Lorelei. I just knew. I won't lie and say I felt all warm and fuzzy, or that I had a sudden feeling wash over me of maternal instinct. Really, it's just a feeling I get. Right in my gut. And the idea just takes hold, grows roots, and ain't going no where.

The girls woke up, Cuinn groaned and said, "your turn", and we started our day. After breakfast had been eaten, and everyone was cleaned, dressed and in the car, we were driving Cuinn to work. This is the moment I distinctly remember. 

We had just driven past the movie theater, and were at a red light. There was a moment of silence. I looked at Cuinn, he responded with a tired, "What?" I just looked at him and said, "Pretty sure I'm pregnant."

His face. Oh, his face. I hope I never forget it. A look of pure joy mixed with pure terror.

"No you're not. There's no way you are. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for you to be pregnant. Know what I'm sayin'?"

I just shrugged and said, "Not impossible. Highly unlikely, but not impossible. But I'm telling you. I'm buying a test today."

He shook his head and said, "You're not pregnant. You're not wasting the money. But if you really want to, you can get one from the dollarstore. You're not wasting $25 on a negative test."

Well, I went and bought the dollarstore test later that day. Threw it in my purse and then forgot about it until that night. When Cuinn got home I remembered our conversation and went to the bathroom. Peed in a cup and stuck that stick in the cup. About 3 milliseconds later, that little box showed a little positive sign. I grabbed that thing, with a little bit of cocky attitude and thrust it at Cuinn.

And he just stared at it.

"What does this mean? Are you pregnant? Is that what your saying? I don't understand. Are you sure you did it right? What's happening?"

After the shock wore off a bit, and I explained to Cuinn that I was, in fact, with child. I started thinking about where I was in my cycle and all that gross women stuff and then I was on the phone, calling the dr to get an appointment.

Fast forward to February 10th. My first ultrasound. The one where you have to get it between 13 and 15 weeks. My dr actually thought I was late for it. LATE FOR IT. He had given me an estimated due date of sometime in August. Early August.

I laid on the bed, the ultrasound tech lubed me up and put the thingy on my tummy to check out my baby. 

"So, how far along are you dear?"

"Oh, about 15 weeks."

...

"I have 2 pieces of bad news. First, you're only about 7 weeks pregnant. Second, I have to do an internal ultrasound. I'm really sorry."

I need to explain something right here. I know that my babies are gifts from God. I know that they are blessing. I know that being pregnant is a miracle in itself. I know there are thousands, maybe millions, or women who would be BEGGING to be pregnant. I know that fertility issues is a HUGE deal. I know that I really should consider myself lucky to be pregnant.

But knowing all that? Doens't make me like being pregnant any more. In fact, I hate being pregnant. I feel sick, the entire time. My emotions are ridiculous. I mean, even more ridiculous than a regular pregnant woman. Each and every pound I put on makes me want to cry. I am sore. I am tired. I am cranky. I am short so my babies have nowhere to grow but out. In short, pregnancy to me, is akin to a jail sentence. And this woman just added 7 weeks to my time. And I had been hoping for time off for good behavior this time since it'll have to be a planned c section!!!

I walked out of that ultrasound room at the end of it and barely held it together until we got to the car. I started to cry. I was so upset, so frustrated that I was so early. I was embarrassed that I would now have to tell people that, "Oh, actually, I got the dates mixed up, I'm only 7 weeks! ha ha" I was discouraged. I was mad. I was disappointed.

Since then, there have been....issues with the midwives and the hospital and my dr's office. And with their AWFUL communication. (Can I just say, I find it absolutely ridiculous that people who have spent YEARS of their lives training to deal with pregnant women really don't have the first clue when it comes to speaking to each other?) My results weren't sent to the midwives, then it wasn't at the dr office. Then the dr office sent it to the midwives but they didn't get it. Then the hospital didn't have the info. Long story short, nobody knew anything and I still didn't have a due date.

Until today. The light at the end of a frustrating journey just to find out when my baby is coming.

I got a call this morning, at 8 am, informing me of an ultrasound appointment for 1 pm today. Because it was 8 am, and we had all just woken up, I didn't think to ask any important info or anything. All I knew was to be at the hospital for 1 pm.

So I was.

And it was the same wonderful woman (no sarcasm. Serious. I loved her) who gave me the bad news the first time. She remembered me and said, "Hey! How are ya? Still mad at me?"

She lubed me up again, put the thing on my tummy and said, "Well, I have good news this time!! I have a due date for you and you are definitely measuring the same!"

So, after all that, I have a due date. Our baby will be here around September 23. (Probably before since, like I said, it's gotta be a planned section this time)

But let me tell you. This pregnancy is really humbling me. Reminding me, yet again, that when it comes to my life and children and plans? I have no control. I can put things in the calendar. I can plan our days right down to the last minute. I can pretend that I have it all together.

And in the end, it doesn't matter. Because it's outta my hands.

But I'm ok with that. Because my life has turned out pretty amazing so far. 

A Last Pregnancy...

I am nauseous

all day long and most of the night.

But it doesn't matter.

I am not quite showing, but I look kinda chunky.

But it doesn't matter.

I haven't been able to sleep for longer than 3 hours in a row in 2 months.

But it doesn't matter.

My first due date was a month and a half off.

But it doesn't matter.

I've developed an intolerance to lactose.

But it doesn't matter.

My eye sight has gone fuzzy again.

But it doesn't matter.

We have to move. Again.

But it doesn't matter.

I have to get a shudder minivan.

But even that doesn't matter.

None of that matters, because this is the last time I will grow a child inside of me. This is the last time I will feel the movements of a baby that Cuinn and I made out of love. This is the last time I will worry over whether that coke that I drank will actually harm the little living creature that is sucking it's thumb in my womb.

This is my last pregnancy.

And although pregnancy to me is akin to a 10 month sentence to the hottest depths of hades, I am cherishing all these moments. Because this is my last one. The last little person Cuinn and I will welcome into my body and into our home and into our family. 

4 years ago I never thought I would be here. I spent night, after night, in tears. Crying out, hating God for not giving Cuinn and I a child. Why couldn't I get pregnant? What was I doing wrong? What else could I do? When would it happen? Would it happen? What was wrong with me? 

Cuinn and I would be devastated, every month that there was no baby. We kept that between us, our private pain. Our private failure. Our own disappointment.

Finally, March 9th, 2011, our first little girl was brought into this world. Aislynn, which means Dream, or a Vision. And she was. We dreamed of her. We prayed for her. We watched my belly grow and grow and grow. We agonized over the perfect name, what kind of parents we would be, what kind of child she would be. Then she came, and we forgot all the plans. All the worrying. All the stress. We were in love. In love with our baby.

2 years later, on April 17, 2013, Lorelei joined our family. Our quiet little Lorelei. My love bug. My cuddler. My girl. She came when we didn't even know we needed her. And we do. We need Lorelei in our life. Aislynn needs Lorelei in her life. Our family just isn't our family with our Lorelei.

And now, dear child, who is as small as an olive. You are what our family needs now. You are what I need. I can't wait to look into your eyes and feel that overwhelming gush of love all over again. I have different worries this time. I worry that as the youngest of 3 you may get lost. I worry that my love won't grow as much as it did with Lorelei. I worry that you won't get as much attention as Aislynn did as a baby, and as Lorelei does now. I worry my arms just won't be big enough for 3 kids in one hug. Will Cuinn and my relationship grow even more or will it become strained with the busy-ness that 3 under 3 brings? Will I sleep again? 

All I know, my baby, is that I will try. I will try to remember that all my children need lots of individual attention. I will try to remember to have patience enough for all of you. I will try to not hate the minivan. I will try.

But I won't need to try to fall in love with you. Because I already have.

A list of things...

Making:  some scones. Or I will be when I'm done this blog entry.

Cooking: tacos for dinner. I am so excited. Cuinn is not.

Drinking: Water, loads of water. Trying to not give myself heartburn

Reading: The Time Travellers Wife for book club. Which is in like...2 weeks?

Wanting: my home to magically tidy itself and the laundry to get it's shit together and fold itself too.

Looking: my Lorelei and wondering how this could possible by comfortable...

Playing: with different "C" names.

Wishing: for a vacation. To somewhere hot.

Enjoying: a little bit of me time.

Waiting: for Spring. I miss grass.

Loving: my girls. My funny, kind, thoughtful, loving, amazing girls. 

Hoping: that this pregnancy doesn't give me massive heartburn like the last two did...

Watching: Wonder pets. This show is the devil....

Smelling: the cold outside since I'm sitting beside the open window.

Wearing: PJ bottoms. Which Aislynn just told me was, "Not outside clothes. Get dressed proper mumma."

Following: my dad on twitter AND instagram. Which is awesome.

Noticing: that Lorelei is getting cranky and my "me time" might be cut short.

Thinking: about the tacos I'm going to make and how delicious they will be.

Bookmarking: crochet projects.

Giggling: over this...  Thanks a lot Michelle

Feeling: pretty happy.

A bit of a surprise....

A Response to Amy Glass...

I'm sure you've read the blog from Amy Glass that is floating around the internet lately. If you haven't, you're going to have to Google it. I'm not going to post the link on my blog. I don't want to add to her blog numbers, personally, and be responsible for spreading her hate even more. But if you Google her name, she'll be the first one to pop up.

And I felt like she needed to hear from me. 

Dear Amy,

Oh sweetie. First of all, I just want to give you a hug. You obviously have a lot of anger inside of you to feel the need to bully others into thinking the way you do. To insult someone else's choices to make yourself feel better. It's sad. I'm sorry that being a stay at home mum is so offensive to you that you need to call me stupid.

I just had a few counterpoints for you though.

The thing that hit me like a tonne of bricks as I read your article was that you stated that being a mom is taking "the path with least resistance." Umm...what? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. First of all, you stated that anyone can get knocked up. Well, thousands of fertility clinics would tell you otherwise. Not everyone can get pregnant. I have a very good friend who tried for 14 years! And when she did get pregnant, she had the worst labour of life followed by 3 + years of pain and torture. Does that sound easy to you? Forget the fact that she has dealt with all this with a young child. Sleepless nights, tantrums, potty training, eating habits. And all this while still putting make up on in the morning and looking pretty put together. We all (the we I'm talking about here are stay at home mums) have to deal with people like you too. Hearing questions like, "So, what are you going to do with your life?" "Are you ever going to get a job?" "What do you do all day?"  would never ask one of my working friends questions like, "So, do you even see your kids?" "When are you going to get your laundry done?" "What do you do all day?" Mostly because it's rude and judgemental. And partially because I just don't care. Who cares what choice they have made? I am so proud of my working mom friends, but I'm equally proud of my "lazy" stay at home mom friends. I actually think YOU have the easier life. You don't have a husband or kids to answer to. If you feel like staying out all night, you can sleep in the next day. If you feel like not doing laundry, then it's just you who suffers. If you aren't really hungry at 5 pm, then you just don't eat dinner. What an easy, and lonely, life you lead Miss Glass.

You stated that being a mom is no where near as important as a doctor or an engineer or a business owner. That hurt. What did you base the importance factor on? How much they make? Because, sweetie, I may not be curing cancer, or building bridges, or running a business with many people under me. But my job (and yes, it is a job) is just as important. I'm raising humans to be kind. To think for themselves. To go after their dreams. To become a doctor. Or an engineer. Or a business owner. Or even, gasp, a stay at home mom.

Because even though you don't agree with my choice, it was a choice. I didn't "get knocked up". We tried for a long time to get pregnant. I didn't just wake up one day and realise I was a stay at home mum, we made that choice. You think being a feminist means having a big pay check and going to work out of the home every day and making other women who don't agree with you feel tiny and insignificant. 

I think being a feminist is praising women for the choices they make. Even when they are opposite to my choices. I'm not angry at you. I'm sad for you. I'm sad that you think so little of me and my life, because if you knew me? You would know how happy I am. How accomplished I am. How amazing I am.

Because, sweetie, I'm fabulous. Even when I'm doing laundry. 

An Admission Of Fear...

It's been a really long time since I posted. I just kinda, ran away from my blog. I've really missed it. I used to write every day. I cherished my hour or two of just writing. I had made a bit of a rule for myself when I started this blog, and it was to edit as little as possible. Sometimes that came out a little rambly. Sometimes I over shared. Most of the time it made me feel vulnerable. All of the time it was honest.

Last year I wrote a blog and it deeply hurt a very good friend of mine. We eventually did talk it through, shared some tears, hugged it out and were made stronger as friends (and Christians) because of it. But that was my first taste of how my written words can hurt and that they do have an impact.

Last summer Cuinn and I were then given a bit of a taste of it and were deeply hurt by someone we really and truly considered a friend. It's the middle of January, nearly 7 months later, and I still think about that hurt daily. DAILY. Since then, I have given up lot of myself. I have become more unsure of myself. More apologetic for who I am. More timid. More scared. I have lost a big part of the confidence in myself that I had finally gained. I said good bye to my blog because I have doubted myself so much. I doubted whether my writing was important. I doubted whether or not my parenting choices were right. I doubted every little thing about myself. It's been a really hard few months. This blog post isn't about the person who hurt us. This isn't an attack on them. That was such a small part of it. How I treated myself after it is the point. And I hope that comes across. 

December was basically rock bottom for me. It felt like everything went wrong. In our personal lives, in Cuinn's professional life, in my walk, in my head. It was a truly, terrible month. Yes, there were a couple high points. But I'm really not exaggerating when I say that it may have been the worst month that Cuinn and I have faced in our marriage. And we've come out the other side holding our heads high.

This year we are calling it our fresh start. I am finally ready to let go of the hurt and guilt that I have been carrying for months. 2013 was difficult in a lot of ways. But all those difficulties are staying there. And now, I'm focusing on the amazing.

And 2013 had some amazing moments.

I gave birth to our beautiful Lorelei Rayne.

Making Aislynn the best big sister ever

We moved to a new place.

We then fell in LOVE with our new place.

My parents moved back to Canada. An hour away!

Cuinn began his Fire Fighter training and was taken on to the volunteer department in our tiny town.

Cuinn and I have learned so much this year. About Love and friendship and pain and marriage and parenting. Our lives have been so enriched with blessings upon blessings upon blessings. And it's time for us to start acknowledging them and being more thankful. 

This year I am making an effort to do things I love and that push me. I am not going to run from my passion because I'm scared. Stay tuned. This momma is gonna grow this year.

A Fall Update...

 I do not know how blogger types with more than one kid have time to blog on the reg and also have their family's fed, looking cute and happy. Y'all must know of some secret I don't. Fill me in, guys!

I miss blogging. A lot. And I am going to make much more effort to be here more often. 

What's been going on? A little bit of everything. Cuinn is currently away in Vancouver. He had his yearly work conference, and he also went a couple days early to hang with his brother. His time with his family went well. He would call with a smile on his face, looking lighter than I've seen him in a long time. I think sometimes (all the time) my man doesn't like to admit to enjoying just being a younger brother. It was good for him to be able to just let loose, and do something fun, without having to worry about a toddler, a baby and a wife. 

Now he is at the conference part of his trip. Let's just say the lightness has disappeared slightly. I kinda wish his brother time had been at the end of his trip, so that he could come home all "young". I love seeing him like that, reminds me of the guy I dated.

Oh this post is starting to sound depressing. Just remember that he's also at a 5 star hotel, eating like a king, partying with Sony and Microsoft and getting to sleep in a big bed, all by himself with no toddler feet in his face and the smell of baby vomit on his overtired wife's shirt! We miss him like crazy, can't wait for him to come home, but we sure are glad he's getting a bit of a rest so when he gets back, this momma can go have a rest!

I saw this post on this chick's blog and I always love a quick and easy bloggity blog blog. So, enjoy!

Making : A baby blanket for a dear friend who is expecting a tiny little girl! 

Cooking : NOTHING! We have been food blessed the last few days with Cuinn being gone. I'm wondering how long I won't have to cook for!

Drinking : Water. Trying to flush out the caffeine induced migraine. 

Reading: Harry Potter series. It's been too long, and I'm in need of some comfort words.

Wanting: My husband home.

Looking: Into road trip tips with two toddlers for next summer.

Playing: Tea party. Every day with Aislynn. I love it.

Wasting: Time on Reddit and Pinterest.

Sewing: Envy. I have it bad. I really need to take my machine over to A.'s house to get that tutorial. 

Wishing: For a mini break.

Enjoying: The quiet.

Waiting: For my head to stop hurting.

Liking: The new granola and banana peanut butter. So delish.

Wondering: If my babies will sleep all night long tonight.

Loving: Grey's. I'm rewatching it from season 1 on Netflix. 

Hoping: For a later wake up call tomorrow.

Marveling: At how loud my clock ticks. Has it always been that loud or am I only just noticing it now?

Needing: A date night. Time by myself. A girls night. In that order. 

Smelling: Baby puke. Lorelei just woke up for a top up for the night, and now I need to change my shirt.

Wearing: Cuinn's pj bottoms. Because they are just way more comfy than mine.

Following: His direction.

Noticing: That my baby Aislynn is not such a baby anymore. 

Thinking: About all that needs to be accomplished this week.

Knowing: That I can do this. I. Can. Do. This.

Focusing: On my family. 

Bookmarking: Christmas idea's. 

Opening: My heart to hear what direction to take.

Giggling: About Aislynn copying my words to Lorelei at bedtime. "Goodnight Lorelei. Love you to the moon!"

Feeling: Filled with thoughts and emotions. I need to let some of them out. 

Thanks for stopping by!

A 50 Things Post...

It's been awhile. There's a few reasons why, and I'm working on a blog post to explain my absence soon. I am just having a hard time getting the words out. Thank you all for the emails though. I'll be back soon. :) 

So I've seen people posting this list of 50 things about them, and as you all know, I love an easy blog post. So I'm going to do it. BUT, for your added pleasure, I'm going to do an extra 30 things. 10 for Aislynn, 10 for Lorelei and 10 for my relationship with Cuinn. Giddy up! 

50 things you may not know about me:

1. I don't shower everyday. In fact, I rarely shower every other day. There are times when I only shower once in a week. I loathe showering. 

2. I don't like wearing socks, but I wear then all the time because...

3. ...I get an ingrown toenail on my big toe when I'm pregnant and I'm too scared to get the surgery on it again and I'm so self conscious about it. 

4. I'm pretty sure onions are the most vile thing on the planet. But I put onion powder in most of my cooking. 

5. Being a mom is so frustrating, exhausting, difficult and, at times, mind-numbingly boring. But I honestly am the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been in my life. (Yea, I know it's cliche, but it's so true.)

6. More often than not, I would rather stay home in my sweatpants and watch a movie with Cuinn than go out. 

7. Ice cold milk is the best drink in the world. Any other temperature is the grossest.

8. Cereal is my favorite snack ever. 

9. I used to hate most things chocolate (except uk chocolate). Then I got pregnant with Lorelei. Now my favorite ice cream is chocolate peanut butter, and my go to treat is chocolate. 

10. Phone calls give me small anxiety attacks. I get sweaty, my pulse races, I can't think straight and my impulse is to quickly unplug the phone. I so much prefer emails. Or texting. 

11. I love polka dots. So much. 

12. The thought of my kids going to school and me having to get a job I know I'll hate, depresses me. 

13. I love Big Brother. And I love Amanda. She is going to win and then probably dump her nasty "fiancé" UNLESS, he wins. Then she'll marry him for the money. Y'all can hate on her as much as you want. But she's (and other girls like her) the reason that Big Brother is still going strong 15 seasons later. 

14. When I was very young, I wrote a letter to the prime minister to ask him why everyone can't just have the same amount of money. Then there wouldn't be poor people and everyone would be happy. He wrote back and said, "that's sweet. But no." I still think it could work... 

15. Seeing Cirque in England with my mum was an experience I will never forget. I was so overcome with emotion it was embarrassing.

16. Every time I cross something off my bucket list, I need to cry. I think it's tears of happiness, whatever it is, it feels so good. 

17. I love to crochet. My friend and I even started a little home business, selling home made items. 

18. I miss my lip ring so much, I'm thinking about getting it redone. 

19. Roller coasters are the greatest invention of life. Carnival rides that are just circles are the worst. 

20. Harry Potter is my (not so) secret addiction. I have the biggest crush on Seamus. 

21. Parenthood is my tv addiction. Joel reminds me of Cuinn. Swoon. 

22. Gilmore Girls is still my most favorite show though. 

23. Although I rag on our tiny town quite often, I have never felt more at home or as a part of a community, as I do here. 

24. I'm totally one of those people who LOVE comic book movies. But have no desire to actually read the comics. The Avengers, X-Men, TDK, Spider-Man. Love them all. 

25. Laundry is the worst chore ever, but I love cleaning the bathroom. Seriously. I clean it every day and it makes me happy WHILE cleaning. 

26. I love dressing up. Unfortunately I never get the opportunity to do so. 

27. I sing in my churches worship team. And I LOVE it. A lot. 

28. Summer is the worst season ever. I wish it didn't exist. Even as a kid it stressed me out. 

29. When my brother and I were younger, he would always get me to ask our parents for things. So if we were in the car, and we passed a McDonald's, he would whisper, "Sarah. Ask mum and dad if we can go there for dinner." And I would. So I'm pretty sure the fact that I "always ask for things." Isn't really true, I just asked a hell of a lot more than I actually wanted. 

30. I drive standard. Cuinn and I will never not own a standard. I love it. You should learn if you don't already know how. 

31. Chuck e Cheese pizza is the best pizza I have ever eaten. No, really. It is. 

32. I have a hard time with left and right. 

33. When I was younger I would confuse white and yellow. 

34. I still do the hand trick for my 9 times table. 

35. When I was in 7th grade, I tried really hard to get the French award in school. (Person with the highest mark in French) all year long I studied so hard to win. Everyone thought I was going to get it. On the day the awards were announced, Melissa got the award instead. I was so crushed that I went home and cried. That was the moment I stopped trying so hard in school. I couldn't see the point in trying so hard and then "failing". I have never told anyone that before. 

36. Tulips are my favorite flower because they remind me of my mum.  

37. I sleep with the window open in the winter. It's marvelous. 

38. I hate when people ask my advice because I think, "how should I know? I don't know anything about anything!" (That's not nearly as self deprecating as it sounds)

39. If I could have any superpower I would want to be invisible. And I would totally be a vigilante. With a little villain thrown in for fun. 

40. I went fishing at the cottage this summer. Now, when both kids are crying, Cuinn is working both jobs, dinner is burning and none of my clothes fit. I close my eyes and pretend I'm in a boat on the lake. Fishing. 

41. Campfires soothe my soul. 

42. My favorite kind of alone day is curling up in my bed, a/c blasted, reading a really good book. 

43. I have come around to the idea of living out in the country. Please don't tell Cuinn. 

44. I really love earrings and necklaces but I rarely ever wear them. 

45. Bacon sandwiches are my favorite lunch but since I loathe making bacon, I never eat them. 

46. I am a pretty good cook and can make a pretty delicious pie. I make nearly one hundred squares at Christmas. All the holidays for the last three years have been my cooking, and me alone. I am a wizard in the kitchen. EXCEPT for breakfast. My pancakes are runny in the middle, eggs are either burnt or raw, I overlook bacon. I'm a hot mess when it comes to breakfast. Cuinn rocks breaky in our house. 

47. Going to bed at 9 pm excites me. Seriously. 

48. I play bass guitar. But it's a secret. 

49. I could walk around IKEA all day long and be perfectly content. 

50. Blankets are my favorite couch necessity. 

10 things you may not know about Ailsynn:

1. Her first apgar score when she was born was a measly 2. She was breathing. That was pretty much all she had going for her when they pulled her out. 

2. She loves to wear my shoes around the house while saying, "i'ma diva!" 

3. At bedtime, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me about a zillion times. It's awesome. 

4. She would much rather play with blocks or be outside than watch a show. 

5. She is "ready for the school bus" and can't wait to start school.

6. She has the carrier gene for CF. something she shares with her daddy. 

7. She is very protective of her baby sister and does not like strangers touching Lorelei. 

8. She loves to take my phone and "call boys." Mostly Calvin. Sometimes Sean. 

9. Her 3 most favorite things to do with mummy are helping in the kitchen, reading books and putting make up on. 

10. She doesn't wear a diaper anymore. She's a big girl! 

10 things you may not know about Lorelei:

1. She lights up as soon as Aislynn enters her vision. 

2. She loves to give big, open mouthed, sloppy kisses.

3. She's the cuddly one.

4. She can roll from her back to her front and then to her back again. 

5. She likes to hold onto daddy's hand while he is driving. 

6. She coos. Oh, she coos. 

7. She really loves bath time with her sister. 

8. She already needs a haircut. At 4 months. 

9. She is going to have abs of steel because she often lays on her tummy with her feet and arms in the air. Like a body surfer. 

10. Her smile is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. 

10 things you may not know about Cuinn and my relationship:

1. We met in a bar. But we usually tell people we met through mutual friends.

2. We were both dating other people when we met. Not for much longer though...

3. Cuinn moved to Ontario to be with me not long after we met. 

4. On our first date we went to see Pans Labyrinth. We thought it would be a nice, light hearted children's movie. It's not. At all. And it's subtitled.

5. I didn't actually think Cuinn liked me when we first met. I kept flirting with him and he didn't really respond. Which made me flirt even more. Turns out he was just nervous. 

6. There is a full foot difference between our height. For our wedding, I wore 6 inch heels for the ceremony so that our kiss wouldn't be so back breaking for him. 

7. One of us believes in soul mates. The other doesn't. 

8. Walking Dead is "our show". We can not watch the most recent episode unless we watch it together. Same with Modern Family. 

9. I said "I love you" first. Sort of. 

10. We can just look at each other, across a crowded room, and know what the other person needs. I love that. 

What's something about you that I may not know? 

A thankful Thursday...

So, it's been a while guys. 

I missed you.

But I really have a valid excuse this time

This gorgeous girl has been keeping me occupied!

I'd like you all to meet Lorelei Rayne Simpson. Born April 17 at 6:35 pm. 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches long. She has a big, beautiful head that is covered in hair. She's so stylish that it's naturally that new ombré look! I am so wonderfully smitten with my new baby girl.

So without further aideu, here is a Thankful Thursday post. Finally. I'm back. 

1. For friends who brought us food and flowers and gifts and hugs and visited me in the hospital and looked after Aislynn while I was in labor and have since taken her for walks or to the park or out for dinner so that I could get a bit of a break. Seriously. My friends. You are amazing. I love you all.

2. My family. Who sent flowers across an ocean, who came to visit from two provinces away, who love Lorelei as much as Cuinn and I do.

3. My Aislynn. My helper. The big sister. Lorelei's protector. I love that girl. And I love how much she loves her sister. It makes things so much easier having her love her sister. 

4. My Cuinn. My best friend. My partner. My husband. The father to my two gorgeous children. You've been such a rock star during this transition from a family of three to a family of four. I love ya, dude.

5. This wrap. Seriously. I have used this wrap more times with Lorelei in 2 months than I think I did in the whole time Aislynn used it. Aislynn liked it, but Lorelei LOVES it. She's pretty much in it 12 hours a day... 

6. Our church had their annual women's retreat a couple weeks ago. It was so amazing. I took Lorelei with me and she was always in somebody's arms. Plus, it's always wonderful getting to know women in your church who you might not talk to on a Sunday morning. Awesome. 

7. At said retreat, we made necklaces out of a washer and scrapbook paper. I made one for me and one for Aislynn. She has yet to take it off and gets mad if I'm not wearing mine too. She also pulls it out a few times a day and says, "matching mumma!" That always fills me with joy. 

8. Cuinn had a huge answer to prayer this morning. I'm not able to go into details right now, but suffice to say; God is good. All the time.

9. I know other people will have my head for this, but I am so glad the weather is not hot. I hate summer. Every year I dread the heat. Well this year? I'm still wearing pants. In June. I am ever so grateful for that. 

10. Not being pregnant anymore. Seriously. I did NOT enjoy this pregnancy, so I am so thankful it's over.

11. This apple/pear/rhubarb crisp. Best recipe I have made ever. Cuinn and I were shoveling it in like there was no tomorrow (or more fittingly, like there was no baby weight to lose)

12. Impromptu girls night. Only three of us could make it, but it ended up being one of the best nights out in a really long time. 

13. My seasons pass to the Elmvale Zoo. It's just a tiny little zoo about 40 minutes away, but Aislynn LOVES it. We even can feed giraffes and goats and monkeys and lemurs. It is such a great little zoo. Perfect size for a morning out with a two year old and a two month old. 

14. The stupid awesome double stroller that my friend K gave me. For free. I was so against getting one. But she offered it to us, and you can't say no to a free stroller. Well, let me tell you. I have been humbled and I love the double stroller. We'll pretty much only use it for days out to big places, but it's really fantastic that Aislynn can jump in and out when she's tired. And Lorelei fits nicely in her car seat in it. Well, when she's not in the wrap that is...

15. Back rubs. Cuinn, I'm looking at you sweets.

16. Parking on the street. We have a parking spot in our lot, but I really hate going up stairs to go down stairs (it's a weird set up), so I just park in the street and go in the door and I'm in my apartment. I might be annoying people, but hey, I've got two kids to lug in with 8 bags of groceries. I park where I want to park. 

17. BLT hot dip. Enough said.

18. Our tiny town now has a yarn store!  Store dedicated to just yarn! I can not tell you how pleased this makes me.

19. Getting $50 worth of kids books. For free. I traded in a whole shwack of my books a few months ago to a local book shop in town. She gave me quite a good deal on them and I have been using my credit slowly but surely over the last few months. Today, Aislynn and I went in and I let Aislynn pick as many books as she wanted (knowing that I still had about $140 worth of credit). She was in heaven. And we read all the books before bed tonight. All 9 of them. That kid. 

20. That Aislynn has my love of the written word. That means so much to me. Love it.

That's it for tonight. What are you thankful for? 

A Point Or Two...

I am cranky.

I am tired.

I feel guilty for not blogging lately.

I am still pregnant. So here is my update on my life.

~ Yes. Still pregnant. My due date was April 9th, it is now nearly April 15th (in 58 minutes it will be), and I am still pregnant. 

~ It was our churches men's retreat this weekend. I kept telling Cuinn to "just go already!" because I knew he wanted to. And I knew the only reason he didn't go was because I might have gone into labor. I also knew that if he didn't go, by Murphy's Law, I would not go into labor. But if he had, this baby woulda come out in half an hour. I'm only slightly bitter that he remained at home...

~ I love cereal. A lot. Seriously. I have been going through 2 boxes a week during the last 10 months. Cereal, I love you.

~ One of my friends, who was due a week after me, had her baby on MY due date. Lisa, I hate you.

~ I don't really hate Lisa. I'm really happy for her. Her daughter is adorable and I am so excited to meet her. Congratulations again lady.

~ If any more of my friends have their kids before me though? I might go on a rampage. I really can't control what happens...

~ Hidetoshi Imura is friends with me on Facebook. He often "likes" my posts. You have NO idea how much this thrills me. 

~ When you don't read your blogs in about a month, you get really behind. And then you have to spend like... 3 hours trying to catch up. I wish all your bloggers would stop being so interesting and writing so much so that when I get back into the swing of things I don't have to read blogs for 3 or 4 hours. 

~ Please don't stop writing though. I really love your blogs. 

~ We got a new camera. Finally. Cuinn also got his "new to us" computer up and running WITH the webcam. You have no idea how much these two things excite me. The new camera because I can take pictures of my kid and share them with our far away families  and the webcam because Skype with my parents is so much better when they can actually see Aislynn and not just a bunch of pixels. I LOVE seeing the proud looks on their granparent faces. Seriously, fills my heart with joy.

~ We're in the last "chunk" before my parents come home. When my mum and dad left, my mum said, "If you break down the time in chunks in your head, it won't feel so long." So that's what I did. But, like pregnancy, that last little chunk is taking the longest to pass. 12(ish) weeks until they are home. 

~ Cuinn's parents are coming to visit at the end of the month. They have requested that there is actually a baby by the time they get here. Hey, no promises. I like to cook 'em for a while!

~ We have moved. Into our new place. I go through stages of really loving it, to really hating it. But mostly loving it. I think this is a good place for us right now.

~ Double strollers are dumb and I'm not getting one. 

~ I'm also not getting a mini van. No matter how many of our friends keep telling us how amazing they are. I do not believe you. I think you all have drank the kool aid and are just brain washed. 

~ I enjoy Creme Eggs. More than a normal person should...

~ I have nothing more to say right now. See ya in another month. I'll probably still be knocked up.

A Fact or 5...

It's Sunday evening. My husband has been gone since yesterday and just got home. What's a good wife to do but send him right back out to get me a nice cold soda?

This chick is spoiled.

While I wait for the man to come home with my ice cold soda, I figured I'd link it up with some things you might be curious to know about me.

Who isn't curious to know more about me? I'm kinda a big deal...

...to Aislynn.

5 Facts About Me...

1. I don't like that people can find me. Or know what I'm doing. Or know what/when I've read things. So I turned off that stalker thing on my iPhone so you don't know if I read your text. I read my Facebook messages through my email so you can't tell if I read it or not. I turned my location finder thing OFF on my phone so I'm not "checking in" on any social media thing. I have never named my tiny town on here. I just think it's weird that people can find me. All the time. I don't like it.

2. I put vinegar on everything. For reals.

3. I cut my juice with water, because straight juice is just too darn sweet. It hurts my teeth. And my juice lasts longer than yours. HA HA!

4. Jeans are more comfy than sweat pants. No pants are more comfy than jeans. Sweat pants are for watching a movie in, not going to Walmart in. Yoga pants are the same thing as sweat pants. You do not leave the house in sweat pants. This is law, according to the Simpson home.

5. I am more self conscious than I have ever been before, as a mother.

Linking it up with This Chick...