A Post To Remember...

My heart has been heavy the last 10 days. 

When Aislynn was just a wee baby, we used to go to a mommy group called, "New Parents Group."

Some of our closest friends were people we met in this group.

We would share our troubles, our joys, the milestones, the new teeth, the sleepless nights, breastfeeding woes, labor recovery horror stories. We shared some pretty intimate details with one another and thus became pretty tight.

We forged this bond that is pretty unbreakable We were going through the trenches of newborn madness together. 

Then, when our babies started turning 1, we "lost" a few of our members. Back to work they went. But we still kept in contact regularly. Though, not as regularly as we should have maybe. We would get together for playdates every once in a while, and the working super moms would tell us stay at home moms how lucky we were to be with our kids all day, while we stay at home super moms would be a little jealous of the adult conversation the working moms got every day. (Grass is always greener)

One of our friends has suffered a tragic loss this last week.

She now knows the grief that no mom should ever have to feel.

Our group is now missing one of our tiny members, and we all feel this loss. 

It's so hard to find the right words of comfort for our dear friend. So we do what we can by sending flowers, dinners, messages of encouragement, hugs. 

We're gathering tonight in support at the visitation and tomorrow we will celebrate his glorious life which was cut too short.

We'll remember his infectious smile. His hilarious giggle. His big blue eyes. His curly, blonde hair. 

We'll remember how he made his parents over the moon with happiness.

We'll remember how he played with our children.

There is a hole in our group, which can never be refilled and will never be forgotten.

We are all here, standing behind you, friend. In any way we can.

May you rest in peace, sweet little one.

A Bully Or Two...

I haven't been here in a while. 

I have a couple excuses though. I'm pregnant and running after a toddler, my computer is still broken (it's not the power cord like we thought. It's something much more expensive to fix and basically it will be cheaper to buy a new computer), and the biggest reason is because I have been so mad that I was scared to come on here and blog and rant and say things I would regret.

But, I've had time to think, and this is my blog. This is my journal. Yep, it's online for all the world (and my 31 followers) to read, but this is my "therapy". It helps me to write it out.

Today, we're gonna talk about bullying.

It's recently come to my attention that there is another mom who bullies my kid. Now, first of all I need to say that I have no disillusions about my child. I know that sometimes she doesn't listen. I know that sometimes sharing is an issue. I know that she is much more vocal about her emotions than some other children. But, guess what, she's not even 2. And most of those things that are "wrong" with her, are the same "issues" that any other mother of a toddler has to deal with.

Does that mean it's ok for Aislynn to take a toy from someone else? Absolutely not. 

Is it ok though, for another mother to say that my daughter has a "nasty habit of stealing toys" from another child all the time? No. In fact, what's worse than my daughter acting like a child is the fact that the grown adult singled my child out to be the "bad child."

And that kind of bullying is the worst.

It is not fair to my kid that this other mom makes me feel like I can't take Aislynn to certain play groups because her daughter might be there. It's not fair to Aislynn that this other mom follows Aislynn around to "make sure" she is "behaving". It's not fair that this mom takes toys from Aislynn because she had "probably stolen from her daughter in the first place."

I will not apologize for my daughter's spirit. I am proud to be raising a little girl who has spunk. Of course I will redirect my daughter when she does do something inappropriate like taking a toy. BUT, I'm not going to punish her for something that she may or may not do. Do you get written up at work because you were late one time and will probably be late again? No, you get written up AFTER you have broken the rules. Take that same route with the kids then.

What is with moms that think their kids are perfect? Does this other mom think I don't see her daughter quietly taking toys from my own kid? It's a two way street, lady, and although my child is a lot louder when taking a toy by yelling, "MINE!" don't you dare assume that your daughter doesn't take things from Aislynn. She's just, obviously, better at it because she does it quietly. You are teaching your daughter, and mine, that the quieter you are at misbehaving, the more you can get away with.

I could sit here and write a whole list of things that I've seen your child do that was inappropriate. How is that productive though? I know that your daughter is 2, so when she does something silly I respond appropriately. Because I am the grown up. I am the one who needs to be setting an example.

I have a friend who has a daughter just like mine who has been going through the same issue as me. We've talked at length about what's going on and how much it hurts to see our daughter's being bullied in this way. My friend told me, "Doing what's right for your girl is never wrong, it may be awkward but it's never wrong." I have been saying that over and over again to myself. Because right now I want to call this other mom and punch her in the nose for treating my daughter like she's a bad kid. What's that going to teach my daughter though? I should talk to her rationally about it. Tell her I don't appreciate that she is singling my daughter out in this way, gently remind her that Aislynn is only 2, and her daughter behaves in the same way. 

Instead, I'm just burying my head in the sand and not talking to her. Not explaining why I'm hurt. Not explaining why I don't go to some of my mommy groups anymore. Just not standing up for myself. I want to protect my little girl from the cruelty of life. So instead of calling this mom out, I have just been hiding her away from the bully. I don't want her to grow up feeling like her personality is wrong. I LOVE that she is my spunky girl. She feels her emotions so extremely. She will tell you how she is feeling and you will know when she is mad/sad/happy/amused. And that's ok. She also is a really caring little girl who gives hugs and kisses to her friends. She does actually share toys with a lot of kids. She loves to glue pieces of yarn onto paper. She loves little babies and shows that by getting on her tummy and laying with them. She likes to help mummy cook and bake and she likes to help daddy unload the dishwasher. She loves to dance when music comes on. Especially when daddy picks her up and slow dances with her. She loves to cuddle on the couch with cucumbers while watching Shrek. My daughter is an amazing kid. I'm proud to be her mum.  

So, here I am, on my blog sharing how I'm feeling. I'm also looking for advice from you guys. Have you ever dealt with a situation like this before? What did you do? What do you think I should do? 

Other moms, just please remember this. Your kid isn't perfect. So don't expect mine to be either. And if you are having an issue with a behavior, then speak to me about it. Don't tell other moms about my child's "nasty habits" if you don't have the courage to come to me and try to work something out. We live in a tiny town. Word gets around.

A New Year...

2012 has come and gone. 

I have to say, this was a tough one. Our family learned a lot this year. Humility. Patience. Trust in God's plan. 

We grew in a lot of places to. In our marriage. As parents. As followers of Christ. As friends.

We have stumbled and picked ourselves up. We've felt broken and put the pieces back together. We have felt loss and prayed until it didn't hurt (much). 

We have also felt much joy. We've made new friends, we've grown with our "old" friends, we joined a small group and stretched ourselves even more than we thought we could.

This year has been so full. Of emotions. Of Joy. Of Sadness. Of Surprises. Of Blessings.

As Cuinn and I looked back on our year, I think we're both happy to bid this year adieu and welcome a new one. This year isn't a fresh start, it's just another chapter in our story.

This year we welcome a new baby. This year my family will all be home. This year there will be moves. This year is going to be another year of changes.

And we are so excited.

Happy New Year, friends!