A list of things...

Making:  some scones. Or I will be when I'm done this blog entry.

Cooking: tacos for dinner. I am so excited. Cuinn is not.

Drinking: Water, loads of water. Trying to not give myself heartburn

Reading: The Time Travellers Wife for book club. Which is in like...2 weeks?

Wanting: my home to magically tidy itself and the laundry to get it's shit together and fold itself too.

Looking: my Lorelei and wondering how this could possible by comfortable...

Playing: with different "C" names.

Wishing: for a vacation. To somewhere hot.

Enjoying: a little bit of me time.

Waiting: for Spring. I miss grass.

Loving: my girls. My funny, kind, thoughtful, loving, amazing girls. 

Hoping: that this pregnancy doesn't give me massive heartburn like the last two did...

Watching: Wonder pets. This show is the devil....

Smelling: the cold outside since I'm sitting beside the open window.

Wearing: PJ bottoms. Which Aislynn just told me was, "Not outside clothes. Get dressed proper mumma."

Following: my dad on twitter AND instagram. Which is awesome.

Noticing: that Lorelei is getting cranky and my "me time" might be cut short.

Thinking: about the tacos I'm going to make and how delicious they will be.

Bookmarking: crochet projects.

Giggling: over this...  Thanks a lot Michelle

Feeling: pretty happy.

A bit of a surprise....

A Response to Amy Glass...

I'm sure you've read the blog from Amy Glass that is floating around the internet lately. If you haven't, you're going to have to Google it. I'm not going to post the link on my blog. I don't want to add to her blog numbers, personally, and be responsible for spreading her hate even more. But if you Google her name, she'll be the first one to pop up.

And I felt like she needed to hear from me. 

Dear Amy,

Oh sweetie. First of all, I just want to give you a hug. You obviously have a lot of anger inside of you to feel the need to bully others into thinking the way you do. To insult someone else's choices to make yourself feel better. It's sad. I'm sorry that being a stay at home mum is so offensive to you that you need to call me stupid.

I just had a few counterpoints for you though.

The thing that hit me like a tonne of bricks as I read your article was that you stated that being a mom is taking "the path with least resistance." Umm...what? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. First of all, you stated that anyone can get knocked up. Well, thousands of fertility clinics would tell you otherwise. Not everyone can get pregnant. I have a very good friend who tried for 14 years! And when she did get pregnant, she had the worst labour of life followed by 3 + years of pain and torture. Does that sound easy to you? Forget the fact that she has dealt with all this with a young child. Sleepless nights, tantrums, potty training, eating habits. And all this while still putting make up on in the morning and looking pretty put together. We all (the we I'm talking about here are stay at home mums) have to deal with people like you too. Hearing questions like, "So, what are you going to do with your life?" "Are you ever going to get a job?" "What do you do all day?"  would never ask one of my working friends questions like, "So, do you even see your kids?" "When are you going to get your laundry done?" "What do you do all day?" Mostly because it's rude and judgemental. And partially because I just don't care. Who cares what choice they have made? I am so proud of my working mom friends, but I'm equally proud of my "lazy" stay at home mom friends. I actually think YOU have the easier life. You don't have a husband or kids to answer to. If you feel like staying out all night, you can sleep in the next day. If you feel like not doing laundry, then it's just you who suffers. If you aren't really hungry at 5 pm, then you just don't eat dinner. What an easy, and lonely, life you lead Miss Glass.

You stated that being a mom is no where near as important as a doctor or an engineer or a business owner. That hurt. What did you base the importance factor on? How much they make? Because, sweetie, I may not be curing cancer, or building bridges, or running a business with many people under me. But my job (and yes, it is a job) is just as important. I'm raising humans to be kind. To think for themselves. To go after their dreams. To become a doctor. Or an engineer. Or a business owner. Or even, gasp, a stay at home mom.

Because even though you don't agree with my choice, it was a choice. I didn't "get knocked up". We tried for a long time to get pregnant. I didn't just wake up one day and realise I was a stay at home mum, we made that choice. You think being a feminist means having a big pay check and going to work out of the home every day and making other women who don't agree with you feel tiny and insignificant. 

I think being a feminist is praising women for the choices they make. Even when they are opposite to my choices. I'm not angry at you. I'm sad for you. I'm sad that you think so little of me and my life, because if you knew me? You would know how happy I am. How accomplished I am. How amazing I am.

Because, sweetie, I'm fabulous. Even when I'm doing laundry. 

An Admission Of Fear...

It's been a really long time since I posted. I just kinda, ran away from my blog. I've really missed it. I used to write every day. I cherished my hour or two of just writing. I had made a bit of a rule for myself when I started this blog, and it was to edit as little as possible. Sometimes that came out a little rambly. Sometimes I over shared. Most of the time it made me feel vulnerable. All of the time it was honest.

Last year I wrote a blog and it deeply hurt a very good friend of mine. We eventually did talk it through, shared some tears, hugged it out and were made stronger as friends (and Christians) because of it. But that was my first taste of how my written words can hurt and that they do have an impact.

Last summer Cuinn and I were then given a bit of a taste of it and were deeply hurt by someone we really and truly considered a friend. It's the middle of January, nearly 7 months later, and I still think about that hurt daily. DAILY. Since then, I have given up lot of myself. I have become more unsure of myself. More apologetic for who I am. More timid. More scared. I have lost a big part of the confidence in myself that I had finally gained. I said good bye to my blog because I have doubted myself so much. I doubted whether my writing was important. I doubted whether or not my parenting choices were right. I doubted every little thing about myself. It's been a really hard few months. This blog post isn't about the person who hurt us. This isn't an attack on them. That was such a small part of it. How I treated myself after it is the point. And I hope that comes across. 

December was basically rock bottom for me. It felt like everything went wrong. In our personal lives, in Cuinn's professional life, in my walk, in my head. It was a truly, terrible month. Yes, there were a couple high points. But I'm really not exaggerating when I say that it may have been the worst month that Cuinn and I have faced in our marriage. And we've come out the other side holding our heads high.

This year we are calling it our fresh start. I am finally ready to let go of the hurt and guilt that I have been carrying for months. 2013 was difficult in a lot of ways. But all those difficulties are staying there. And now, I'm focusing on the amazing.

And 2013 had some amazing moments.

I gave birth to our beautiful Lorelei Rayne.

Making Aislynn the best big sister ever

We moved to a new place.

We then fell in LOVE with our new place.

My parents moved back to Canada. An hour away!

Cuinn began his Fire Fighter training and was taken on to the volunteer department in our tiny town.

Cuinn and I have learned so much this year. About Love and friendship and pain and marriage and parenting. Our lives have been so enriched with blessings upon blessings upon blessings. And it's time for us to start acknowledging them and being more thankful. 

This year I am making an effort to do things I love and that push me. I am not going to run from my passion because I'm scared. Stay tuned. This momma is gonna grow this year.